i had a midterm today. we were given 110 minutes, and i used 105.

within the first hour, people had already started submitting their exams. i already had a slow start because i solved some fractions wrong, which gave me a result that didn't match with the next subquestion. after i fixed my work for that question and completed the rest of the exam, i was still stuck on a problem, watching everyone around me finish.

i knew i could do it: i had enough time, i could work it out from first principles, and it seemed like low hanging fruit to grind through it. but i saw my friends leave the room, knowing they were probably waiting on me to discuss the exam. then more people. then the only other guy in the room handed in his exam, about 20 mins before it ended. eventually, i was the only student left.

the TA was walking around, waiting for me to finish. i felt like i was keeping him there when he could have been on his way home. of course, he was supposed to be there for the full 110 minutes, and i was perfectly entitled to use them.

but that didn't stop me from feeling guilty about it. there's a strange pressure that builds up when everyone else has finished and you're still working. you start wondering whether you should just submit too.

i've experienced this before, and i think it takes a surprising amount of courage to resist that pressure. sometimes you forget that you're allowed to use everything you've been given.

if you're given 110 minutes, why should you feel guilty about using 110 minutes? those extra minutes might help you solve a problem worth five points, catch a mistake, or finally figure out something you've been struggling with.

i stayed to work through that problem and figured it out close to the end! i walked out feeling pretty good about my exam, and also about what i just did because i had to be uncomfortable doing it. it felt great!

since then, i've been thinking about how often this happens outside the classroom.

we look at other people's timelines and operate according to them. we see people graduating, finding jobs, building companies, and making decisions about their lives. somewhere along the way, their progress starts influencing what we think we're allowed to do with our own opportunities.

we begin imposing constraints on ourselves that were never there in the first place.

and it goes beyond time. sometimes you have access to resources, opportunities, or even advantages that you feel embarrassed to use fully. you start worrying about whether you're asking for too much or taking more than your fair share.

it's strange how easily that embarrassment can make us give things up.

there was nothing unreasonable about me taking 105 minutes on an exam that allowed 110. the TA was doing his job, and i was doing mine. yet i nearly convinced myself to submit early because everyone else had finished.

i wonder how many times we do the same thing in life, quietly surrendering things we're entitled to because we've mistaken social pressure for an actual constraint.

there's courage in taking everything you're allowed, even when you feel embarrassed to do so.

perhaps the most foolish thing you can do with an opportunity is leave part of it unused simply because everyone else has decided they've had enough.